i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
