Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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