He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
