Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
