If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can I color on your dick again?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize