She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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