I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
