how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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