i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
