Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
