I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
