I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
