Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
