never play flip cup with pint glasses
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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