So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
