hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
