so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
