you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
