Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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