Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
