P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
