Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
