Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
