Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
