Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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