I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
