I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
