Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
