did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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