I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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