she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
