i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
