My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
