I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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