Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
