Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
