i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
