While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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