Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
