Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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