Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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