the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
