I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
