Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
