what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
