Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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