And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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