The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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