Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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