So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
