i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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