im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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