i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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