TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
