Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize