I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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