Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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