I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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