Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
