Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
