time to smoke my breakfast
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
