You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
where are you?
Hypothermia
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize