if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize