the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
