Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
