if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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